Fat Country, Thin Culture

[thebellydancer69]

Hello,
I figured I should start this journal around Samhain since it is like New Years for me. I have decided to rededicate myself to my faith, my career, my body, and my life in general. I would say I have been EDNOS since '99, but a disordered eater (think Janet J. & Oprah) since 13. I am 30 now and I live in HI, which is the second best place to exercise. I kinda knew I would have trouble losing weight living with my sister's family since everyone in the house is on the small side. They hardly eat fruit and there are some vegetables. I am going to shop for fruit on my own because I think my family blames me for being this size. The smallest I have been in 2 years is 140lbs. I was trying to do the fitness model thing for a while, but it hasn't helped me work through my EDNOS. Right now I try to take it one day at a time. Tomorrow no food and the same goes for the rest of the week. This way I will have more time to work on papers for grad school and study for my substitute training course. By the way hello all....I am from NYC, wiccan, and never had a boyfriend longer than 3 months.

[DollyAna]

happy samhain,"an it harm none do as ye will".....

[thebellydancer69]

Thanks doll! I hope you enjoyed Samhain as much as I did mine. I start my fast tomorrow. My sister overestimated the amount of trick or treaters and gave out 2 pieces of candy to kids and the juice boxes to older kids. Now we are stuck with all this candy. I am fasting now so I am safe. I am going to try and lose 25 pounds by Thanksgiving. Here are my stats:

CW: 168
TDGW: 143
LTGW: 119 and cut!

[thebellydancer69]

I don't know what happened to the fast I was supposed to start last week, but I guess I am on it now. I am currently 164 lbs. I am not happy about it but what's a girl to do. I think I could eat one meal a day, but Hawaii is limited as to what is sold in stores. Now if SPAM helped you lose weight, I'd be in business. I am hungry tonight because my classmate dropped me off at the BK. I just thank my lucky stars I had no change on me. Plus, my family was eating spaghetti with meat sauce tonight and I got a little hungry. I think I will chew and spit later. That always helps during a fast. Oh well, gotta keep pushin' til I reach my Thanksgiving goal.

CW: 164
TDGW: 143

[goingfor98]

good luck, :}

Nicole
aka
Darkana
from CH

[thebellydancer69]

Thanks 98,
Unfortunately, the fat lady sang (and binged) last night. I am not sure why but some time after 10pm I went downstairs and started stuffing my face. What is wrong with me? Now I am going to have to start trying to run in the morning. I don't think you can run while you are fasting so I am extending it to Saturday and will be doing 2 hours on the bike Friday and the day after. I will start running Sunday. I didn't think it would be so hard to drop to 143, but it is for me. I feel like shit. I was using popsicles to curb hunger because the carbs (the ones we buy) were low and they really kept me from being hungry. I had to stop when I realized the kids were running out of ice pops. Today I will continue journaling because I didn't yesterday and look what happened.

CW: 165.5

[c'estlavie]

Stay Strong! I know how you feel about the 10PM thing. What is it about the evening that makes us hungry???

[thebellydancer69]

yeah...I turn in to a gremlin at night. Now my stomach is sore and all the work I put into fasting those 3 days are lost.l am starting over again this week. I am going to do the liquid thing. All clear, no calories. I am trying to get on the bike this week for 2 hours a day.

[thebellydancer69]

First, I catch the first hour of thin on Tuesday, which I plan on watching again Friday.
Second, I turn on the TV today and Dr.Phil is talking to two women with ANA. Third, I go on the internet and see the Brazilian model that died.
It is so pointless to watch because as soon as I turn the channel I am going to so many weight loss ads and that is going to keep me from second guessing. I have been a constant before picture and I don't know what the after is going to look like anymore. I know I want the fat off now.

[goingfor98]

I want my fat off too. Everywhere I turn, I seem to see something reminding me I'm not skinny. Stupid commercials. -sigh-

[thebellydancer69]

Hey 98! Thanks for checking my journal. I gave into the commercials and bought some ripped fuel. I also took N.O. Xplode and no food all day. I am not sure what happened, but I have the "runs" now. Plus my weight has shot up for no reason. WTF!?!?

[goingfor98]

Gar, I've gained a little weight, and it sucks, I'm playing fat girl right now and it sucks. I need a new roll, a new script. So how are things going now? Better? Worse? Yeah I changed my Journal name to Mayhem! nothing is ever too thin.

[thebellydancer69]

Hello,

Well, I grew a snout and ate a trough full of food if you know what I mean. These past 4 days really hurt me. I am not sure what to do. I was told by my mother not to fast anymore because I just don't have the stomach for it. So as a result, I need to take in 1,000 calories and keep increasing the workouts.

[desirable dream]

If fasts aren't working for you, then don't do them sweetie. It just seems to me that they are causing you to binge.

Perhaps just stick with the 1000 cals thing like your mum said (does your mum support you ana tendancies then? Or does she just think you are going on a diet or what? ). You could try the 2-4-6-8 diet, which a lot of people find works. But restricting might be the way forward rather than fasting.

At the end of the day, you just have to do what's best for you.

Best of luck

[thebellydancer69]

Well, my mum is supportive of things I try to do to better myself. I am a mental health counseling student and she thinks my interest in EDs is based on psychology, not wanting to be thin. It is easier for me to discuss it without suspiscion (can't spell today). Anyways, a liquid diet is feasible for my tummy now. I tried to eat by the 1,000 thing and to no avail. I am not sure, but I think I saw EXTRA MEAT on my back!! I remembered yesterday what I did to get my weight down. I would occasionally switch from severe restriction to fasting, and working out 3.5 to 4 hours at a time. I guess in the end I need to do what I can when I can to make things work. I know that GNC sells Maximum Greens and Maximum Fruits. A tablespoon of those powders equal 7 servings of either fruit or vegetables and only 30 calories! I will try my best. I can't do another year wearing a size 12. I want to be at least a ten (150lbs.).