Im New

[snow_flake51]

I want to say hello to everyone, and introduce myself.
I'm 18 years old and have been bulimic for three years now. At first i thought bulimia was great, the easy way to lose a few pounds. Now after three years of binging and purging everyday I have realized that i am no longer losing weight, I've plateaued..and its not worth it any more. I am so depressed and just want to be normal again!! Its so frustrating when all you think about is food and what you look like. I really want to enjoy life, not waste it shoving food down my throat just to get sick after. I wake up every morning and i tell myself not to binge and purge today, but i cant do it, just setting myself up for failure.About 3 months ago i told my family and friends about my eating disorder, and signed up for the St. Paul's Eating disorder program here in Vancouver, BC. I know that it will be a really long time before i recover, the waiting list is extremely long, but its a start. Also about 2 weeks ago i was put on Effexor for depression, i think it's starting to work. Its seems i don't worry as much when i eat now.I have been able to keep small meals down without too much fret.
If anyone can relate please post.

[lovetodance]

hiya just thought i wud say welcome. well done for telling someone and signing up for help it takes a lot of courage. xxx

[snow_flake51]

So i've been trying really hard not to binge and purge. And since i've been on Effexor its gotten to be easier. Its been 4 days so far!! Thats the longest iv gone in probably 2 years. Its especially hard when im home alone. Thats when I Binge and Purge the most. I've just been working out a little more to compensate So today im really wanting to too binge and purge because my roomates are not home, so I decided im going to go visit family for the day until someone comes home, that way i can destract myself as much as possible. I dont trust myself completly alone yet.

[J.E.Z.I.K.@]

hey welcome!
yea i know how u feel right now im making myself stay on here so i dont binge then purge aswel! trying to get thru a day without doing it!!
neways goodluck with it hope i can follow in ur footsteps!!

[snow_flake51]

aw, thanks for your guys support. Well today is day seven. I should be alot happier then i am, but i've noticed that since i havnt been binging and purging, im really restrictive on what i eat and i exercise like crazy since i have more energy now that im eating. For instance yesterday..
7:00am- 1 yogurt with berries
11:00am- 1 Granola Bar
1:00pm- Sml amout of tuna with 4 crackers
1:30pm- Went on a 30 min hike.
3:00pm- Made veggie soup, only ate the broth
6:00pm- 30 min Pilates
7:00pm Dinner- Mostly steamed veggies, few bites of mac and cheese and few bites of scambled eggs.
and after dinner i even panicked a bit, but my bf was home and he will never let me purge.
I still really want to lose weight, and i wasnt by binging and purging so i guess im hoping i will by restricting. I just really hope all this restricting doesnt lead to a huge binge.
Any advice?

[anaslittleslave]

Just thought I'd say hiya..I'm a newbie here from England.

[snow_flake51]

OMG you guys its been 11 days! I really think anti depressants are working for me. This is the longest ever! I would defently suggest them to someone who is struggling with bulimia

[lovetodance]

well done - thats nearly 2 weeks without binge/purging, why dont u give urself a little reward (non food!!) xxx

[snow_flake51]

blew it guys..on my thirteenth day. sucks. and i havnt really gone a day since. well i just have to get back on track i guess. Got sick twice today.

[lovetodance]

ok i got a book out from the library recently called getting better bit(e) by bit(e) which has been quite helpful, one suggestion was to write a letter imagining yourself 5 years from now and in the letter you have to write all the things that have happened because of your bulimia (imagining worst case scenarios ie, i have loads of cavities and have developed an irregular heartbeat etc)

when i did it it really scared me and made me think twice about throwing up instead i decided to go for a really long walk with loud music and let the anxiety of putting on loads of weight go down. i no its not gonna work every time but it mite work occasionaly

dont feel too bad about today u have done SO managing 2 weeks xxx

[lovetodance]

so well i meant to say!!

[snow_flake51]

hey thanks alot. It really helps to hear support.
Right now i've fallen back into the cycle of binging and purging. And i know its going to take alot of work to get back out of it. Same with exercising, since ive been binging and purging again ive stopped exercising, and i know that willl be pretty hard to get back into. I just stay strong and not worry about my weight so much. You know its not that i think im fat (which alot of people think i do) its that i wish i was skinnier! Im 5'7 about 129lbs. Which is totally average and it a good weight to be at, i just really need to make myself believe it. I worry that its summer soon, and i will be having to wear a bikini, in my mind i want to be the girl on the beach that gets a second look because she is so thin! But i cant think like that!! I have to let the positive side of my mind overcome the negative!
Im currently reading a book called bing no more and it says usually when a bulimic stops binging and purging and get back into a regular eating habbit its common for them to even lose weight, because there are no longer huge sugar flucuations or large amounts of calories absorbed during a binge, even if you do purge.
Any tips are helpful