life after ana

[fatgirlwinnie]

hey everyone, this is my experience with recovering from ana and i'd just like to share it in hopes that it may help some of you.

i was on this forum quite often a while ago while i was dealing with my ana. it was pretty serious and i was very depressed most of the time because i just coulnd't be skinny enouhg. and i'm glad to say that i feel quite recovered now, what happened with me is that i went on a one month vacation with my family and i was actually FORCED into eating normally, at first it was like a nightmare! i felt guilty about every calorie going into my body, but we were moving around a lot so after a while, i realized that i wasn't gaining a lot of weight. and now it's been 2 months and i've maintained being 115 pounds (i'm 5'8") while eating completely healthy and normal. for the first time in a while i actually feel HAPPY and light, i don't know if you guys can relate but during my ana, thoughts about eating were ALways weighing down on me, from the second i woke up to the second i fell asleep, there was not a moment when it wasn't bugging me and it was really hard to be happy. but now it's like a huge weight was lifted off, it sounds so cliched but it's so true. i really feel a lot happier, and i know i could be a lot skinnier and that i'm not perfect, but i'm FINE with how i am, i just learned to accept myself and be happy with what i have, and that is a really amazing feeling.

i don't have a specific way for every one of you to "recover", some of you may not even want to, but i just wanted to let you know that being ana is not being happy. yes you feel happy when you see the number on the scale drop but it's so temporary and it's hardly real happiness. the relief and lightless i feel now was totally unimaginable to me when i was ana, but i'm so glad that i was able to recover because there is so much to live for and to enjoy. even as i write this now i'm so surprised because just months ago i was all depressed and suicidal (i was even on the suicide forum a few times) and could not figure out why i was living. and now everything is so different.

so please think about what you want out of life, i know it may seem like ana is something you just can't get out of, but you CAN. and once you do, your entire perspective on EVERYthing will change - for the better. i wish you guys ALL the luck, i think i will be "retiring" from this forum now. i hope we all find our own paths to happiness, no matter how we get there.

[naturalmystic]

Hi everyone!!

I'm new here. I didn't see an introduction area, other than this, so I hope I'm doing this right. I have a very long story so I wont bore you with it. I'll just say I belong here. I'm interested in what "life after ana" is like for everyone else.

I read someone's post they said they wished they could see themselves the way other people do. I wish that too. Why can't I? I had to start eating again b/c I have a daughter to take care of, and I couldn't do anything, but obsess over food. But now that I'm "healthy" I feel like a pig!

[Complex]

I want to know. If you have ana, can you recover, and actually be happy with yourself, even though your still just as fat as you used to (I'm not one of those skinny, beautiful ana-girls... 113 lbs, but I look even bigger)

I hate ana. I don't want to starve myself, I don't want to throw up, I want to eat what I feel like, eat normally..


But, I don't see how I can be happy with being this weight, or even bigger, so I don't REALLY want to recover either.. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, between wanting to be thin, and wanting to be normal..

[she dreams in color]

thank you complex, for saying that

it seems to be my dilemma as well
i cant figure out what the hell i really want for myself

i want to be healthy
but i feel like there is no way to do that and be happy with my body
ive already been through tons of therapy

ugh. shitty day.
im going to sleep. and do my best to not think of breakfast or lunch or dinner for tomorrow.

peace