Advice and information: weight and information.

[C1Bhazard]

This is my first time posting here, so apologies if this is in the wrong place.

First some background, to put my prediciment in perspective. I'm 22 and weigh 45, or so, kilos. Two years ago my dad fell ill and i took on many of his responsibilities. After a year, during which he became steadily worse and dependant, my dad died at home. My mum, brother and I had spent 5 months caring for him and it was not easy for any of us, especially my mum and I. My mum went off sick from work 18months ago and has just now accepted retirement - she stopped because of hip pain so intense that i was taking her shopping in a wheelchair. Three weeks after my dad died, my mother had a hip replacement. During all this my life-long-anorexic aunt (67years old) was getting more unwell and she died, weighing 5stones, just six weeks after my dad. Since my dad fell ill, my already scant social life perished and i became more and more weight obsessed. I must have lost at least 2stones while my dad was ill and at one point i weighed under 7stones! I now weigh just over 7stones but im a compulsive exerciser. And a compulsive eater.

I have an exercise bike that i use whenever i can and i spend, on a 'day off' 9 hours (...or more) on the bike. I'm up before 7am and i've not slept 6 solid hours a night for a year.

I eat obsessivly. I eat as little as i can tolerate most of the day then i have a reasonable dinner. For supper (between 10pm and minight) i usually have ice cream, a scone and chocolate. A lot of chocolate! I even waken during the night to eat what must be in excess of 1200calories of chocolate.

I'm not miserable but i am deporessed and clearly obsessed too. I don't even know what to call my eating disorder: with over indulgance and restraint i find it hard to categorise.

I need some advice: what do any of you think or suggest? Regarding the exercise: can less be more? Am i even achieving anything with so much excersise when i still feel like i'm struggling to MAINTAIN (not reduce) my weight - could i do less with the same result?
Is there anything i can do to break the midnight cycle of eating? The hardest part is how much pleasure i derive when my time to deeply endulge in high-cal foods finally comes.

So thats it. A long post i know, and i'm sorry, but i've known for a long time i should try to change. This is my first step. What say you?

[Freja]

Hi C1Bhazard,

Don't really have much advice on the bingeing, I'm still struggling to get that under control myself, but lately I've tried a new tactic which is telling myself that if I can just manage to not do it today, I will allow myself to do it tomorrow, and then I've got that to look forward to, and then the next day I do the same thing and sometimes that works for a few days before I give in. Sorry, that's not very good advice, but it's all I've got to offer right now, hopefully someone else can do better...

About the exercise, sounds like maybe you're overdoing it a bit, but I know how addictive it is. Maybe try to go for a walk sometimes instead of the exercise bike, you'll still feel like you're doing something, but it won't put as much strain on your body. And I know none of us see ourselves the way other people do, but at 45 kg you definitely shouldn't lose more weight. I know it's easy for me to say, but please be careful.

Also, I lost my dad some time ago, so if you ever want to talk about it, please don't hesitate to PM me.

Take care and good luck. x

[tallyia]

hey,
I bing to like you and often at night, I recently found out that if you dont eat for long periods of time, then your body will want to binge, which if your not eating all day then havin dinner later your probs just on a down hill spiral from eating that. maube one day try having a lunch and no dinner see if this effects the eating during the night.
I mean I dont really know, but just an idea.
But I feel similar to you, I dont know how to catorise my ED, what with me starving myself one min then binging. I question alot wether I do have an ed or wether this is what ever one does. But food rules my life, its all I think about.
Hope this helps and hope you can get out of your cycle
xxx

[C1Bhazard]

Thanks everyone for your inputs. My greatest difficulty is that, despite bein self-aware enough to know i have a problem, i don't really want to change.

Like you, Talltia food rules my life. Ilove food, i think about it almost constantly. I select/ prepare some of my chocolate treats hours before i go to bed and derive pleasure from doing so. When i'm having dinner, i'll calorie-count everything from the sauce to the chicken. I'll feel guilty if i have three more cadbuy's mini-eggs than i intened in the afternoon. And my 'success' is measured by my weight before my late-night binge. If i'm even 0.2kg "too heavy" i'll not have my ice cream and or feel incredibly anxious.

The other big problem is that i have thus far beenm successful - my regime works and i derive such pleasure at the end of the day that it makes the day-long toil worth it. My restraint ansd binging is certainly not about loosing weight - i only want to avoid gaining weight... at all costs (almost). I actually worried (past tense!) about the 3pouns i've put on since last november.
I suppose having been a bit heavy until my last years in high school i am not exceptionally caseful. I have NEVER deliberatly lost weight. I have never set out to loose weight, but once i have lost it i feel the need to keep it off. Whats more my mum and brother are both 'bigger' people and my dad put on a lot pof weight when he got ill. My obsession is simply draining - i'm tired now but know my exercise becons until 9pm.

Thanks for reading and to anyone who can offer advice or share a similar experience. I don't mean to sound cruel but the old adage that misery loves company is true. That is, it helps to know others also experience problems with their weight and diet like i do.