Stopping today!

[michellestar]

Okay, last night I decided I really need to do something about this because I have been bulimic for so long and even though I have been trying to stop right from day one, I'm not improving. I've lost count of the number of times I've said that I'm starting over, never b/p again, only to do it a day or so later.

So I figured if I'm really serious about this - which I am - I need to do something differently this time to force myself to stop, because just wanting to stop obviously isn't enough.

Well I know most people can purge with their fingers or whatever, but I can't. I need to use a toothbrush, and not just any toothbrush but a specific one. I've tried with others but they're all the wrong shape and just make me gag or choke instead of purging.

So last night I threw that toothbrush away, and all the rubbish got taken away by the dustbin-men this morning so it's well and truly gone. I was so terrified of actually throwing it away because now if I binge, I have no way of purging, but I think I'll manage.

I always b/p at 3:30pm when I get home from college, but today is the first time in about a year that I haven't done that! I knew that I wouldn't be able to purge, and it gave me enough reason not to binge, and I didn't

I really think this is it, that I'm stopping forever, or at least for a long time. There's no way I'll let myself full-out binge (my binges are always about 2000 cals each and I sometimes did it twice a day or more) but if I overeat by a little bit, instead of purging like that I'm going to exercise instead.

Wish me luck!

[JustAnotherGirl]

Wow. That must have taken so much strength! I admire you a lot for going with it and throwing away your way of purging! I've been struggling with trying to recover from bulimia and it hasn't worked so far. I do the same thing you say you've always done (say I'll stop only to do it again the next day... Sometimes even later that day). I said that earlier today in fact after I purged. And I'm trying my hardest not to go purge the yogurt I just ate.
Great job, you'll be better in the end for ending the purging. Your body will thank you! Good luck and stay strong!

[michellestar]

[terezarsm]

Hi! I want to join you! I just wanted to write the same topic!
Oficialy I am not bulimic but EDNOS, but I was used to be more like ana, last weeks I am Binge and Purge so often! And I feel so sick of that! I just cant stop! I say "this is the last time I did it" after every purging, but.... I thought that week trip to Berlin will help me, because we were 3 girl in the room and also I had little money and food. But I binged and purged the first night there - whan everybody went out... next day again, I bought some more food, and yesturday - the last day - I purged again - everybody sow me - it was in the bus, at 2 o'clock in the morning!!! (we traveled 12 hours) but i couldnt get it out of me... and today I did it twice again..... and I just dont want to do it again, I am sick, I am down, I feel so so bad!!!

Well, I join you. Probably I wont make it the first time but - NO - I WILL MAKE IT! I must be little more optimistic.... I dont want recovery from ED, but I dont want to binge again.......

You have my support!

[michellestar]