Recovery? Do you ever want to?

[yelley]

i hate my situation, every day is about starving and counting the calories.. i'd like to come back to normal life, but it scares me.. i don't want to gain weight... and i don't know how..
nobody knows about my ED, exept my boyfriend..but he doesn't know that my problems are back again.. and as much as we trust and love each other etc, it's extremly hard for me to talk about my ed..

[melloyello]

I want to recover because it wasn't that long ago when I could eat what I wanted and not care about it. I remember those days so clearly and part of me wants them back... Hell, ALL of me wants them back. But things are different now; I could eat then and not gain a pound. Now, whatever I eat clings to my thighs and stomach for dear life.

I hope I do recover because I want to be normal again. I want to eat with my family and boyfriend without worrying about how I'm gonna get rid of the weight later on. I want to one day have children and I want them to look at me as a role model- but not while I'm counting calories like crazy and throwing up when I'm at home alone.

Good luck Adalia and everyone else who is fighting this bitch that is Ana/Mia. I hope to join you one day.

[Freja]

First of all, Adalia, I wish you all the luck in the world, your strength inspires me.

Having said that, I feel like a hypocrite. I posted this long intro here in the recovery forum the other day (which probably noone read cos it was a bit boring...) and then I decided that I have to lose some weight before I try to get 'normal'. Cos I figured if I'm gonna change things, I'm better off starting at a weight where i feel more comfortable, though I'm not sure what that is. I wasn't happy when I was underweight, I wasn't happy when I was overweight, and I'm not happy now, somewhere in the middle... However, my biggest fear is that if I let go, i will be fat. And I'd forgotten how quickly the weight comes off in the beginning, the scales are moving after just a couple of days of restricting (though that's probably water weight, but anyway...). And the feeling of being lighter is so wonderful. So I deleted my hypocritical intro, cos i guess i don't know what i want. Actually, yes I do. I want to be normal. But I've been caught in this evil cirle for so long it's hard to know where to start.

For everyone who's decided to recover once and for all - you're doing the right thing. And you give the rest of us hope. Thank you.

[Integrida]

I have tried to recover two times before and now am going to try again. I love being thin but I realize that being thin can only make me so happy. I'm losing my friends, I feel guilty for even thinking about eating something high in calories, I have become so weak that I can not even dance anymore. Dance is something that makes me truly happy and I've found myself wishing that class would be over because I can't make it through one more combination without passing out. Plus people my whole life have told me I was skinny I just refused to believe them. So I realized that maybe what I see is not at all what others see. I am going to try to live with my body. In the past few days I've already begun to have more energy and even happiness. Sorry for this long rant.