why

[J.E.Z.I.K.@]

Hey im new here from Australia, neways i was doing sooo well today, stayed home all day n didnt purge Once until tonight wen i sed stuff it im going to maccas and then purged but i dont think it all came out!!!! I dunno wat to do i hate how each time i binge i am fully aware of the risk im taking - it wont all come out!! But i do it anyway! Everyday now i stuff my face after dinner n then bring it all back up and look at myself in the mirror n think y eat at all!!
Ive been doing this for way to long now but i dont know how to stop! All i want is for this fat on my body to disappear so that my stomach doesnt hang ova my pants wen i sit down n my hips dont bulge over my jeans. I have such a hige desire to be thin but its like i wont let myself achieve that and i dont know why! I sit in my room eating sooo much food or i stand in the kitchen stuffing my face knwoing that this is bad and that i am hurting myself but the idea of being able to eat all i want and get rid of it is too consuming!! I HATE MIA I WANT HER TO DIE!!
sorry guys that was a total word vomit lol but i hate her and i want to get rid of her i just dont know how!!